Hellsing: A Master's Regret
by g3nesis1
Summary: [I do not own Hellsing.] Integra has been thinking about what her father would say about that night, when Alucard came to visit her in the prison. What would he say about her thoughts? Her actions? And her sinful and almost disgusting ideas?


Integra sighed deeply, her radiant blue eyes closing only to ache with exhaustion. She pulled the glasses off of the bridge of her nose and placed it on the final folders of paperwork. She leaned her head back; it had been a very long night. Alucard and Seras had been deployed for yet another FREAK mission. It was getting worse, but she had tried to keep telling herself that it would always get worse before it got better.

It was just a couple of hours ago when they had both came back, Alucard appearing before her desk with that serpentine smile of his, indicating that the mission was a success. 'Mission Complete: all targets have been silenced'. She sighed heavily.

She had told Walter to go get some rest, to leave her be. She just wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone really. She crossed her legs, putting a fresh cigar to her pale lips. She leaned back into the leather seat, that still -- after all these years, smelled like her father.

For the passed couple of weeks, she had been asking for his guidance but none came. She was beginning to think that she had angered him. It wouldn't be the first time, she smiled. But maybe, just maybe… It was the last straw this time.

What would he say if he found out what she had done? What would he say if he ever found out…. She closed her eyes, inhaling a huge puff of the tarry goodness.

She reached up to her neck, feeling the smooth skin. She could remember his touch; his kiss. She opened her eyes slowly. Why was he so entrancing? He never was before… Why did he tease her the way he did? Why did he do the things he did… To torture her sweetly? To prove his dominance…? Pfft, that would never happen. She was HIS master; not the other way around. He tried to play it like that sometimes, but he could only dream of such a day. She'd rather die.

Those lips; those eyes; those fingers -- God, those fingers. She banged her head against the back of the chair. She needed to stop! She wouldn't get anything done like this. She was sure he was enjoying this. Probably doing it on purpose. Bastard, she thought.

She stole another puff from the cigar. He caught her off guard, that fucker. He had a chance and he took advantage of it. She was so disgusted with herself now. She didn't like feeling weak, or… She just couldn't help it. It was getting to the point to where she didn't want to fight anymore; where she was sickened to be alive. When every time her heart beat, she wished she could end it… and every single time it pounded away, she knew she couldn't. She was so close; so close that night to letting him just take her. Her lips quivered.

He had that same damn smirk he always had on as he walked up, picking up the glass of red wine. She knew what he was going to ask, but just didn't want to face it. She looked into those round crimson eyes, looking deep within the Nosferatu's eyes.

"Integra," there was a small pause. His voice, deeper and more tranquil than normal. "My master." She watched his lips moving slowly. Like in a dream world, almost. "Your orders?" She looked up for a moment and before she could even answer, he shattered the glass in his white gloved hands.

Her heart beat quickened; she wanted him to take her. Right then, right there. Temptation bursting at every crevice, every pore, every opening, SCREAMING…

A low laugh burst from behind his lips as the echo of the blood dropping to the floor reverberated to her ears. Please, God, she thought…

"The decision is yours."

Of course it was, she thought. But why didn't she, goddamnit? Why didn't she just say… 'YES, Alucard. Please? Take me from the pitiful shackles and help me rid the world of these rats.' Resistance was futile, but like the idiot she was… she refused.

Looking back on that night, she hated it. She hated thinking about it; hated that it had ever happened. She knew the second chance would come, sooner or later, but she was afraid it wouldn't be the way she wanted it to be. Not the way she dreamt it to be.

She closed her eyes and took another puff of the cigarette. "I need to stop," she told herself, looking up as the Sun came up over the trees of the courtyard. "I need to get back to work," she said again, talking to herself. Truthfully, she was the only one she could trust…

She turned back around and grabbed the pen, looking down at the folders. She bit her lip and looked up at the door. No, she thought. I can't… She grabbed out one of the folders and started doing the paperwork like she had been for a couple of hours.

It was time to move on.


End file.
